Friday Night Writes

People keep asking me why I’m not blogging. That question makes me feel guilty. Like somehow I’m letting people down. I learned a new term this summer–preproduction. It’s a time to process information and sort out thoughts and simmer ideas. That’s what I’ve been doing.

In June, my son and I went to Chicago. We went to three Cubs games. I got addicted to the Cubs song–Google it and tell me that it doesn’t get into your head. I went to the Art Institute and saw the most amazing Georgia O’Keefe show. O’Keefe has been my favorite artist for most of my life. When I went to the Georgia O’Keefe musuem in Santa Fe, I actually got teary. It was so emotional for me to see her paintings in person after loving her for so long. The show in Chicago was spectacular. It had many paintings that took place early in O’Keefe’s career, during her time in New York. All the things she learned about painting in the city, she took with her to the desert. I am always amazed that she can use oils so seamlessly–her strokes look like glass. When I got home from Chicago, my friend dropped off a bunch of oil paints for me to have. I still haven’t opened them. I just lined them up in a row and think about what I might paint with them. I guess my painting is in pre-production too.

I have spent a fair amount of time with my brothers this summer. My oldest brother has fallen on some hard times. He never really recovered from losing his wife. His depression was so deep that he became paralyzed from Trisha and he lost his house. It’s tough to watch someone spiral and not really be able to do anything. I have lost a lot of sleep over it. I keep thinking of my mom. She wouldn’t want her son homeless or living in his car. Yet at the same time, I’ve got my hands full as it is. I’ve thought a lot about hard things that happen in life. I guess hard things can happen to us or for us; it is really up to us to decide which preposition to use. I sat on my couch an entire day and felt pretty shitty for not letting my brother come live with me. I have an extra bedroom, but I knew that it would also be really unhealthy for me and for my son. Shayne is doing very well right now, but he is fragile. He needs a consistent schedule and as little stress as possible. If we keep life on an even keel, he can remain stable. It’s taken years for us to get to this place and I’m not willing to rock the boat. I realized that as hard as it was to not let my brother come live with me, that it was the right thing for us. All the things that I’ve had to do in my life really gave me the strength to say no. I believe that my brother will find his own way and be okay. And in the end maybe even be better for it. He has angels in his life; he just needs to believe that they are there.

Lastly, I was chosen as a rural Colorado teacher National Board recipent. The National Board is high level education program for teachers. I’ve always wanted to go through the program, but it’s very expensive and I’ve never really been able to afford it. Receiving the grant was a huge surprise and ten years ago, I would have been thrilled. Now I’m at the end of my career and I wonder why the opportunity is coming now. I have spent several weeks thinking about the program and the commitment and if I should accept the honor or not. It would mean a three year commitment to teaching and a year ago, I wasn’t sure I had another day in me. However, it is something that I’ve always wanted to do and maybe this is what the universe is giving me now?

So that leads me to this moment right now. I’m currently in Denver at The Process participating in something called “Friday Night Writes.” The Process is a space–mostly rooms decorated with tables and chairs and lights and plants. It’s for writers to come and have organized work sessions. Friday Night Writes is an event that supports seven hours of production time with snacks and drinks and prizes on the hour, every hour. I won a sticker. The only thing I know for sure is that writing is still the one thing that I do every day. I wake up thinking about words and I go to bed at night thinking about words. Even if I haven’t been blogging, the stories are brewing and are ready to spew forth once again. I can’t wait to see where they take me.