Frustrated….or the other F word.

Shayne was committed, which basically means Shayne is unfit to make medical decisions and the hospital makes decisions about his medical care for up to 90 days. I don’t disagree with the decision. I would like Shayne transported to a closer hospital, but insurance won’t transport unless the hospital he goes to offers a different program or feature. Transport costs 5-10 thousand dollars. So he is staying in Denver.

Yesterday his doctor told me that he is doing better and she is releasing him. I was confused. A week ago, he didn’t recognize me. Three days ago, he thought the hospital staff was trying to frame him for murder. Last night, he told me that Dr. Ross (his doctor) is operating under a false name. She isn’t really a doctor, she just stole that name from the a television trivia game and he can’t really take her seriously. He is looking better, but he is still having delusions and I know he is still struggling with hallucinations. It took him eleven minutes to play a hand of rummy. He is good at masking his symptoms, but he doesn’t fool me.

So I asked the doctor if he was going to be released with an injection. She explained to me that it takes a transition time to go from oral medication to a shot and he would need about two weeks for that to happen. I asked why he couldn’t stay in the hospital through the transition. She said that if he was doing better then ethically he shouldn’t be kept in the hospital even with a short term commitment. Isn’t the commitment supposed to be in his best interest? One minute forcing him to stay in the hospital is ethical for him, the next it’s not? At this point I wanted to growl in frustration. But animal noises aren’t very mature or very helpful.

So I took a silent deep breath and spelled Pittsburgh in my head three times and then said, “If you release him without an injection, he will stop taking his meds again. So in two days, two weeks, two months, two years, he will end up in this same place again.” She said, “You are probably right.” Too bad shaking is frowned upon, because that is what I felt like doing to her. Instead I said, “You have an opportunity to change his life. Keep him here, transition him to the injection. You could be the doctor that saves him, instead of the doctor that sends him back to the streets.” She just said, “I don’t think we will be able to hold him.” But at least she had tears in her eyes.

So I read somewhere that the definition of insanity is when you do the same thing over and over and expect different results. I keep taking Shayne to the hospital during psychosis, expecting help. Doctors keep half stabilizing him and releasing him to the wind.

We have been lucky. Shayne is not inherently violent. When psychosis hits he is more of a danger to himself, not others. He has no criminal record and has shown no propensity toward weapons. I am realistic enough to know though, that when he is paranoid and devoid of reasoning that anything can happen. One day our luck might run out. I might not be able to get him the help he needs on time. Something bad could happen. I am the only person, Shayne truly trusts. I worry every day what would happen if I could no longer fight for him. I wish I could make the doctors listen to me. I am tired of this system of slapping cheap band-aids on gaping wounds.