June 26

Today is my brother, Kevin’s, birthday. It is also the day that my parents were in the fatal car accident and my son began his decent into mental illness. It’s been a decade since that day, and some memories can feel very fresh, but it mostly feels in the past. I am aware of the anniversary, but I am not LIVING the tragedy again. And this year, I am focusing on celebrating my brother, because I get to share the day with him and honestly, I can’t think of anything that brings me as much joy.

A few weeks ago, we were swimming together in the sea and made our way to a dive float in deeper water. I realized as we made our way to the platform, that by his side, I am always a little braver. He always makes everything seem like a good idea and an adventure. If nothing else, it’s gonna be a helluva story to bring to the table later on in the day. That’s what life has always been like with my brother.

For his birthday, I wanted to do something epic, like take him on the Skycoaster at the Royal Gorge, or go hang gliding, or parasailing. My brother used to spend hours trying to figure out how to fly when we were small. I can’t count the number of times I watched him jump off something ridiculously high and crash to the ground, but he believed so hard, that it was impossible not to be infected with the hope that he could defy gravity and soar. I just want to give him a moment of that flight in anyway that I can.

The day in the ocean when we made it to the dive float, a teenage girl climbed up with us and asked if we were married. When we said we were siblings, she commented on how different we looked. Neither of us answered, that’s something that we have heard our whole lives. Being adopted is one those things that can add layers of complexity to simple things, but the truth is that we are siblings in all the ways that really matter. And if I look back on my life, he is my one true thing as far back as I can remember. When I am with him, I feel anchored and strong. I am so thankful that I have got to share my life with such a warm, funny, generous, beautiful person.

There is really nothing I can do or say to truly express all that he means to me, but in a few days we are going to Chicago together. I am going to take him on the Ferris Wheel at Navy Pier. I want him to see the magic of the big city lights below us. Maybe it will remind him of all the carnival rides we were partners on in our childhood. We usually ended the night on the Ferris Wheel, our parents waving to us every rotation. That’s such a strong image of my childhood, like an ongoing loop of color and excitement with my brother at my side and my parents nearby.

All I really want is for life to give us many more opportunities to keep creating memories and stories. So even though, I can’t deny that there is some sadness to this day, I am grateful and blessed to share one more birthday with my brother.