Viewpoints

Every morning since I got to Alaska, I get up and check the view. Depending on the light, the cloud cover, and snow, it is different every time. It was gray this morning because I am out and about earlier. It’s my last day in Alaska.

I couldn’t sleep last night. And when I did, I had dreams about being back in my classroom. It was chaos; no one was listening to me and kids were being mean to each other and throwing things, and I was trying to be patient, but firm. Administration was watching me and writing notes down on a clipboard and a social worker was trying to talk to me and kids were crying and other kids were fighting, and I just wanted everyone to leave for five minutes, so I could breathe. Then I woke up and thought about the dream. Then I tried to not think about the dream. Then I reached for my phone and started looking for jobs. Then I tried to go back to sleep. Then I just got up and showered and got up to look at the ocean.

The snow surprised me. I mean I wasn’t surprised that it was snowing; it has more or less been snowing since I got here. But most of the snow has been a fine, glistening sparkly sprinkle, interspersed with fat fluffy snow globe moments. This is the first time that I can see how all those flakes ARE new and piling up and it makes me think of how I want Christmas morning to look. I immediately wondered about my flight. Will it be able to take off? Do I even care?

Yesterday I spent the day exploring art galleries. There are quite a few photographers and painters. Some of the pottery was really unique with glazes I have not seen before. I did talk to another artist and showed him photos of my glass weaves. He asked me if I was a hobbyist or more of a professional. I told him, I probably leaned more to a hobbyist. And we talked about that. I looked at the fused glass and realized that I could make everything in the gallery, but the subjects were new and really stretched my thinking about things to make with glass. It got me thinking about making art for a living. I just don’t know about that. I think I get more joy from making things and giving them away. I don’t mind getting paid for a mural job or a piece of artwork, but money will probably never be the point. But that doesn’t mean, I wouldn’t like to paint murals, or backgrounds for theaters, or make illustrations for a graphic novel. I am just not sure art is my next career path.

As I have been writing this, the light has come up. The ocean is still there. My plane will probably leave, but I am going to enjoy one more day in Alaska. I am going to check out the beach at low, low tide and thrill at the surprises waiting. I do want to go home and enjoy my mountain view from the porch and pet my cat. I just hope that the quiet, calm of this wild Alaska will return with me and help guide my heart to finding peace.