Moving Back In

I went to the grocery store a few days ago. I saw Angel, the sweetest student I have ever had. She greeted me like it was Christmas and I was her favorite aunt. Then I saw another former student and she caught me up on her entire family, all of which had been through the art room. Then I saw another student from my early days in Canon. And then a former colleague. Honestly, there have been days when knowing I am going to run into people I know and have to pour out sunshine makes me balk at going to the grocery store. I have literally sat in my car gathering strength to face all the people ready to ‘bless my heart,’ and tell me they have been praying for me. One of the reasons, I thought leaving Canon might be good was to bring me a little animosity. I didn’t realize how much I’d miss this deep bonds I have made here.

My house has not sold. It mostly has come down to the shared garage. The garage sits on the property line and half is mine; half is the neighbor’s. It works for us, but it doesn’t take a genius to figure out why it is a problem. Plus this house is 97 years old. Most people who can afford what I want don’t want to climb stairs and people who are young enough to relish a house with projects don’t have enough money. And I didn’t 100 percent want to sell it, so I probably put that out in the universe too.

The more time I spend in Pueblo, the more I realize that it is probably not my forever home. I think about Shayne homeless in a city like Pueblo. He is safer in a small town where everyone knows him.

I am not regretful about taking a new job. I needed to do something different. But school is school. Different geography, same challenges. I like my new colleagues and the kids are for the most part nice and I like them, but I realize that being in a classroom is a cage for me. I am like a wild thing pacing around looking for a way out. It doesn’t matter if it is art, math, underwater basket weaving, I am a cheetah ready to bolt. I thought I’d be able to muscle out a couple of more years, but I will be lucky to make it to Christmas.

It made sense to me to take my house off the market, because I am really not sure what comes next. I am having my floors sanded and refinished and I am turning my sun porch into a fourth bedroom and then I will move all my stuff back into the house. I talked to my neighbor and we are on the same page about fixing the garage situation. Maybe I will put the house back on the market, or maybe I won’t. I am just trusting that the universe is looking out for me and the answers are coming.